Posts Tagged ‘situation’
Tuesday, August 24th, 2010
This was the first time I met my big boss and his lawyer in this hearing. During the hearing, I told the truth and the true reason why I had to quit job. This was the first time that my big boss heard the truth and he was shocked. He asked me why I did not tell him. I said to him that I tried to tell him after I received the first warning letter but he did not want to listen, or he listened but he did not hear at that time when I tried to tell him. However, the major reason was my fear, fear of being judged and criticized if I exposed the truth.
Even though my big boss knew the truth, it did not change the situation as he still chose to decline my application for unemployment benefit. So I was not able to collect the benefit. I knew that I might not be meant to get it and I had to let go of it.
After six months waiting for EEOC’s investigation about my complaint, they did not hear anything from my former employer. The waiting time was up so that my lawyer advised me to fill the lawsuit. By then I was officially filling the lawsuit and had the case in the court. I was very nervous and worried about the outcome. However, I knew that I had to do what I must do and I could not run away from it. Each step in the process was taking me great courage to face my fear. Even so, I was still very fearful. Many nights I even could not sleep by simply thinking about it.
So much emotion was stirred up during the waiting period. I looked back the few months dating time with my ex-boss, I now could see the situation much clearer. Because I could see the situation much clearer, I regretted so many things that I should do but I did not do or did not pay attention to.
continued…
Tags: boss, complaint, courage, emotion, employer, fear, investigation, lawsuit, situation, waiting period
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Monday, August 23rd, 2010
I knew although I was in a difficult time but it was what I choose to be as a part of my soul’s learning and growing experience. It was not easy for me to give up my job and moved towards my true destiny. However, once I did it and moved away from the job, I no longer needed to go back to it, otherwise, I would go backwards spiritually and it would be much harder for my soul growth. So I determined that no matter how hard time I had at that moment, I must be very true to my soul. If I could do so, the situation would change eventually and I would come out of it as an evolving spirit.
While I was waiting for the result from EEOC, I started to look for the office again for opening a metaphysical school.
I did not realize that I had so much fear of not having enough money. I basically lived in poverty consciousness and fear of not having enough money to do what I wanted to do. From my previous experience I had learned not to combine residential and commercial together. Therefore, I decided to find a space in business area but I was so afraid of spending money. As a result, I was only looking for the cheap rental space. Of course I hardly found a place I liked.
Because of the worry about that the money from selling my house would run out very soon if I did not have any income. Therefore, I decided to apply unemployment benefit from the state government. I had a hearing from the state about the benefit as my former employer declined my request. The reason they declined my application was that I did not follow the procedure to fill the complaint about my situation even though I was trying to fill quit pro-quo to EEOC. Therefore, I had to present my reason why I did quit my job during the hearing.
continued…
Tags: application, benefit, destiny, difficult time, employer, experience, government, income, job, lawsuit, money, situation, soul, unemployment
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Saturday, August 21st, 2010
The only thing kept me to do this was that Margaret also told me that the case would be settled out of the court and the money I got from the lawsuit would be for me to set up a metaphysical school as it was meant to be. I needed the money so badly for opening a school that I decided to do it no matter how little chance to win the case. I decided that this time I must listen to Spirit.
Two days past, either of the law offices called me back. So I decided to call them again. I got through to one of them. Paul who became my lawyer picked up the phone and we had conversation about why I needed to fill the lawsuit. I briefly described my situation to him and he believed in me. He set up an appointment with me. I went his office and talked to him. He listened to me and told me that he believed what I had told him and he would take my case as my lawyer. After I talked to Paul, I felt so much better as at least he believed in me so I had hope. The next step was to follow his suggestion to fill complaint to my boss and Dr. S to EEOC so we could have a case. After that we had to wait for EEOC to investigate and give us the result.
It was a long waiting period. While I was waiting for EEOC result, I was experiencing test again. My associate from my pharmaceutical company called me that his company needed a supervisor for him and he was in charge of hiring. The first person he wanted was me. He called me three times. I told him that I thanked his offer but I did not want to go back to my old profession anymore. Then my colleague who replaced my position called me that he wanted to take my C.V with him while he went to a nationwide professional conference that he would do his best to find a job there for me. I also sincerely thanked him and politely said no.
continued
Tags: conference, lawsuit, Margaret, metaphysical school, money, result, situation, spirit
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Friday, July 23rd, 2010
First thing I realize what I need to change is to stop judging and criticizing anyone and anything. Instead of thinking about people or things in a judgmental and critical manner, I need to see the light, good and beauty in everyone I encounter and everything I deal with. Everyone has a heart, a beautiful heart. If I can see this beauty and trust it, I will be able to feel it and be touched by it. This is the first thing for me to do. If I can truly do so, I can be truly kind, soft and gentle.
A few days ago, I thought about something that we should do a few weeks before. But the person who was in charge did not do it because of the very busy schedule. While I was driving, I thought about it, my first response to my thought was blaming and anger because I automatically ran into my old habit and pattern: judgmental and critical. I thought about how they should do but they did not do, how this person never listened to me and never allowed me to help, bla, bla, bla… This triggered me so much anger and hatred. It was very intense so that it shocked me as I did not know where it came from. I vented my anger and hatred, and made conscious choice that I determined not to let the anger and hatred to control over my emotions anymore. Once the anger was vented, I was able to be calm and to look at this situation from within. What should I learn or do in this situation?
While I was thinking, I realized that I used to allow my emotions to take over in the past whenever I thought about things or situations related to this person. I always put myself in a victim position and always blamed this person. But I never thought if I could consider things or situations from this person’s situation, I might have better understanding. As I realized this, I was aware that I have created the uneasy relationship or uneasy cooperative situation because of my judgmental and critical attitude, and because of my conditioning and belief. As I was aware of this pattern, I decided to change it.
To be continued…
Tags: attitude, belief, change, conditioning, critical, emotions, good, judgmental, light, Relationship, situation, victim
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Wednesday, July 21st, 2010
I used to play a lot with 3 girls who were one grad higher than me but lived in the same family housing area in my father’s working place – Police Department of our city. Unfortunately, one day before the Cultural Revolution, three of them came to me to condemn me as bullying and declared that they terminated their friendship with me because I touched one girl’s breast even though she allowed me to touch it. They did not give me time to explain but just left. I was desperate and ashamed, even today when I thought about them, I can still see their stern face clearly. I really felt that I was abandoned because of my stupid and silly action. I also felt guilt and dirty.
This event has created a deep scar in my relationship with others. Since then, I was afraid of making friends with others, was afraid of expressing myself to others. The Cultural Revolution made everything much worse in me than ever. I not only was afraid of making friends, but also could not trust anyone as I saw so much betrayal and distrust: husband and wife against each other; children against their parents; brother against brother; neighbors against neighbors. I could not find anywhere to be safe and secured. I could not talk to anyone and I did not have anybody talking to either, including my parents. Basically I was a scared and lonely child, I longed for having friends but was so afraid of being rejected, not liked, betrayed and abandoned.
For those years in my childhood, I have learned that I could not trust anyone if I was going to survival. I kept everything inside me and did not share any of my true feelings, thoughts and emotions with anyone. I only showed to people what I felt safe and superficial. I hide myself in a hard shell for survival. In order for me to survive from any situation, I constantly judged people in my mind based on my belief and conditioning so that I could response properly. I worked very hard to be perfect so that nobody would find any faults or mistakes in me and I could be away from any troubles. I silently judged people’s intention and motivations, and I was always able to find their flaws. This has become my instinct response to anyone or any situation.
To be continued….
Tags: childhood, conditioning, emotions, feelings, good, intention, light, mistakes, motivation, situation, Thought, troubles
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Tuesday, July 13th, 2010
The last two weeks of our class, he came to visit his classmates during our meditation. He gave every one of us his message. The last day of our class, he asked sister to channel his message to us. His message is: Open our heart to love, never stop love. Love is the most important lesson that we are on the earth plane to learn and to experience. Never be afraid of expressing love and kindness to others. His words truly touched all of his classmates. Yes, it does not matter who we are and what we are on the earth plane, it matters is that we are here to give love and to receive love openly and freely.
Another issue is that our loved ones or souls can not move on in Spirit World because of our deep emotional ties with them. We hold onto them emotionally, deep sadness, deep attachment, anger, hatred or other emotions. They connect with us through energy. If we have strong feelings or emotions with them, they can feel everything that we feel, even more intensely. In other words, we hold them back and we stop them from moving forward to the next level of their spiritual development.
The emotional ties which I had with my father are one of the examples. I had so much deep anger and hatred towards my father, not only from this life but also from many past lives. In this life I have chosen him to be my father so that I could release all the hatred and anger I carried over from many past lives with him. He was very strict to me and to everyone in our family. Because of the way he was, I hated him which made me consciously connected to my deep buried past life energies with him.
Although I talked him out of the grey area in Spiritual World, I still had so much strong emotions which tied me with him and these were all on the subconscious and unconscious level. Consciously I forgave him many times and loved him very much, but every for a while, something or some situation would trigger me and these emotions towards him would come to the surface. It took me 6 years diligent and hard work to clear all the emotional ties with him. He was learning in Spiritual world and was preparing to come back to my family to continually work out the past life energies between us if I could not release them all. I held him from moving on.
to be continued….
Tags: clear, emotions, emtional ties, forgive, grey area, life reviews, love, past life energy, release, situation, spiritual world, subconscious, trigger, unconscious
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Monday, June 7th, 2010
The following day I asked a girl friend of mine to go to the car dealer with me. When we went there and told the sales man about the car we were interested in. The man immediately told us the finally price for this car. It was $1000 less than the marked price. It was just the price I asked for from Spirit the previous evening in my prayer. I was thrilled by the miracle and I was very sure that this car was for me. I was so excited that I put my deposit down without checking the car conditions and asking for receipt for my deposit. I left the car in the car dealer as I was still driving the rental car and it had to wait one week or so for the final settlement from the insurance company.
I put my money down for the car and left the car in the car dealer. The first thing I came back to my apartment was to call the doctor’s wife about the car and my decision. It was surprised me that the doctor’s wife was very angry about the car I just bought. She was so angry that she did not wait for me to finish my story but stopped me very rudely and told me that because I did not listen to her, she did not want to be my friend anymore. She wanted me out of her life! Then she hanged up the phone from me. I was shocked by her unexpected reaction and did not know what I was wrong. I immediately called her again, she picked up the phone, only said to me, “I do not want to hear from you any more, I do not want to be your friend anymore!” Then she hanged up the phone again. Then I called her again in the hope that she would allow me to explain why I decided to buy this car. Unfortunately, she was so angry that she did not give me any opportunities to do so.
I was so devastated and shattered by her reaction as she was the only one at that time who offered such warm and kind help; and she was the only one whom I highly respected and spoke about. I did not know what to do about this. I was very confused and could not understand why she reacted this way. I locked myself in my bed room cried two days and was afraid of going to church to meet her. I thought that I must did something wrong otherwise why she was so angry at me. I felt guilt and ashamed of blowing off our friendship. Because of that, I did not go to church for weeks. All I did was in my bed room crying and praying. I asked Spirit to give me strength to cope with this situation and to allow me to forgive.
To be continued…
Tags: angry, choices, Church, difference, forgive, friendship, kind, opportunity, respect, situation, warm
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Wednesday, May 26th, 2010
In this life, one big lesson I have brought back to learn is to build my true value system on serving others with humility and compassion, do everything from my open heart and without the ego or the desire for reward. My big lesson in this lifetime is to understand and believe that these things do not matter and that I do not have to have the approval of anyone or anything to be happy and loved. I do not need permission to be who I am. In other words I am here to learn and to build the true value system in my life and my existence as a soul.
As I shared in blog before that in many past lives I based my value on objects and situations related to things or people outside of myself. I value my worth on my possessions (or lack thereof), on my personal status (or lack thereof), on my titles, degrees or certificate, and on the opinions of others. Because my values were built on material possessions and personal status in the past, I allowed my ego for recognition and power taking in control. However, in this life I have chosen to break free from this old pattern.
I look back my life and I realize that I have gone through a few times of leaving everything that I have built up behind and starting from the bottom again. Back to the time I was still in China, I had worked very hard to build up my career and my future as I did not want the poverty and being nobody . Finally I climbed to the top of my career: having the Ph.D. and full professor title, and becoming known, etc., everything seemed settled. My job, title and position was very secured, and people paid respect and attention to me. However, I was not happy as I realized that people did not truly respect who I am as a soul, but the position, the title I achieved. They did not know me at all but only saw what I held materially: the world value.
To be continued….
Tags: career, choice, job, life, material, position, possessions, poverty, situation, soul, title, value
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Thursday, May 20th, 2010
Negative emotions are the source and cause of our disease, unhappiness, pain, dissension, disharmony, conflict, killing, fighting and wars; It is our emotions to keep us in the illusion and strongly attach to people, situation, events, and can not see through the illusion on the earth plane, can not see the true purpose and lessons we have chosen to learn and experience in our earthly incarnation.
85% energy of our life is the past life energy, mainly connects to our deep buried emotions, likes, dislikes, beliefs and conditioning. Only 15% energy is the new energy. (imagine a big container containing full of the trash and garbage energy from the past) until we clear these trapped energy, we will continue repeated our past life patterns, past life wounds, situation, people and events.
In order to let go of our emotions, understanding the purpose of our life, understanding people whom we are close and very connected to are here for a purpose. They are the triggers, mirrors and teachers in our life, they play these roles to help us learn our lessons, pay our karma, clear and let go of our past life memories, old habit and old patterns.
The most important things we should do and need to do in our healing on the emotional level is to let go the past, let go the things, people and situations which are no longer working or suitable for us. Hold on to nothing, we will have everything as we truly let go of the old, the universe will be able to bring new energy and new opportunities into our life. Detach is another way to move away from any drama or emotional trap. If we truly want to move away from someone or something that is no longer working for us, cut the cord or tie (energy connection) on the energy level is also very helpful.
to be continued….
Tags: detach, energy connection, energy level, healing, let go, opportunities, past life energy, past life patterns, past life wounds, self healing, situation
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Friday, May 7th, 2010
This broke his heart. He was very angry towards his partner with bitterness and self abandonment. In this regression, she saw herself was wondering on the street, did not care about anything anymore. He just walked and walked with endless anger. Finally he became a beggar and died on the street due to anger destroyed his health.
During this regression, she was able to identify her current kidney dysfunction is from that past life. Once she works on release this anger, she will be able to restore her health. However, in order for this to happen, a lot of healing work needs to be done on her. Luckily, her partner in this life is a powerful healer and she has chosen to come back to help her. Unfortunately, she was trapped in that past life pain, too painful to handle it, so that she could not stand for her partner’s energy, she did not allow her partner to do any healing on her, so she chose to break up the relationship with her partner and to go through her process alone.
I feel sad when I heard this news. I don’t know how she is doing now as she has chosen to cut off any relationships and live alone again. Although I am saddened by her choice, but this is her choice and her life, I can not judge and criticize her but respect and accept her choice.
You may ask, “How can we find out our past lives if the energy is buried too deep to reach it?” There are souls who are trained by Spirit to be able to retreat our past lives on the spiritual level, such as Margaret (www.MargaretMcElroy.com), Karen Downing (www.aurorasmessage.com), they do past life readings.
Obtaining past life information is very important step to help us understand our current life situation, the people in our life, our lessons and issues, as well as our karma. I have received enormous help from Margaret and Karen in the past 7 years which has enabled me to release my past life energy and to move to a higher vibration in such short time.
To be continued….
Tags: anger, beggar, healing, health, Higher vibration, issues, karma, lessons, Margaret, partner, past life, past life energy, past life information, past life pain, past life reading, past life regression, Relationship, self abandonment, situation, spiritual level
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