Posts Tagged ‘responsibility’
Thursday, July 22nd, 2010
Many years down the road I have developed the habit to do things with no mistake. I always wanted to be the best, not because I wanted to be the best, but because I was afraid if I was not the best, I would be in trouble of survival, nobody would not value me or keep me. If I made mistakes or errors, I could blame myself very badly; I would think the mistake or the error over and over again: How could I let this happen? How stupid I was that I did not pay attention to! Other people would laugh at me now …bla, bla, bla… My mind ran as a wild horse and my Self would imagine all sorts of sceneries how things could be. I could not forgive it for a long time either. Then I would try to justify myself or to find excuses for the mistake or to cover it up before anyone found it. Because of fear, fear of being a failure, fear of being not good enough, fear of being less than others, I was afraid of taking responsibility for mistakes or errors I have made.
This gradually has become a habit and a pattern of me to deal with people, things and situations. As I so used to be this way, I even could not realize any problems or issues I have developed from it. Because I have been dealing with the outside and inside world this way, I habitually also think about others this way too. I would judge others based on my belief. I suspect other people’s good intention or genuine. It is so easy for me to find people’s flaws, fault, problems or shadow part, then, I based on what I found to judge them. The more I did this way, the less I could trust others. The less I could trust others, the few friends I could have. Because of the judgmental and critical, my mind was all the time busy to create conflict, difficult and disharmony between me and others. My mind did not have peace at all! When my mind was not in peace, my whole being was not in peace. I did not realize that I created this reality for myself!
I did not have close friendship because I could not trust anyone. I did not have good relationships because I could not see any good and genuine in others. For so long I have been in denial and self pity for all these happening in my life, I have been struggling and suffering from all its consequences as my soul does not like it at all. I hated myself and I was angry with myself because I saw myself as a ugly, unattractive and unlovable person. And I tried to find the solution from external but no result… Until now, as I raise my consciousness, I finally realize that I can not find any solution externally except looking within as it is all within. Because of this awareness, I am now finally able to see what I need to change!
To be continued….
Tags: error, fear, light, mistake, responsibility, self
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Saturday, June 5th, 2010
This was very serious political problem if one was labeled arrogant characteristics. My parents talked to me very seriously and asked me to stop advancing my algebra interest. To this day, I still can remember my confusion and disappointment about my math teacher’s evaluation and that I was asked not to pursue my interest. I could not understand why, and all I could think now is that it might be my karma. Anyway, since then I stopped pursuing my interest in Algebra and I lost it.
Since then, whenever I made choices I always asked other people’s opinions in order to meet others’ expectations, to become close to them and not to far away from the mainstream. For years I have developed the survival instincts of not to be different from others in order to stay in the safe and secured zone.
And gradually I became one with that culture and mentality. I started thinking that way and doing things that way. I have been conditioned and customized in that cultural patterns even without realizing the change I have made. I was so terrified if someone was not happy about what I was doing or had chosen to do.
In the first year when I came to the United States, I did not know anybody and did not know anything. This is a country where we can have a lot of freedom; we can have a lot of opportunities; but in the meantime, we have to take full responsibilities for our life. In the first year after I came this country, I was a stranger and brand new about this system as it is completely different from other countries. I met a Chinese doctor and his family. They were very devoted Christians. They were very kind, especially the wife, who stayed home to do house work and look after their four children. The wife gave me a lot of help and taught me a lot of things to live in this country. I was so grateful for her help. Because of her and their family, I went church and became a Christian.
To be continued….
Tags: choices, Christian, difference, doctor, expectation, mainstream, opinion, opportunity, responsibility, stranger
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Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
God, or Ultimate Being, is a pure energy; we are all part of it. He never gives us what we can not take or go through. However, very often, we can not see through the illusion that has clouded our life because of fear, doubt and insecurity; we do not want to take the responsibility; we do not want to make the change as it means that we have to move forward into unknown and move out of comfort zone even though the comfort zone is not a happy zone. It is easier to put ourselves in the victim role and blame others than to leave this behind, let go and move into a better life.
The worst situation we can have is to blame ourselves and that can not forgive ourselves for some “bad” choices we have made. Instead of saying to ourselves:” yes, I have made a mistake and I have done something wrong. But I am willing to take responsibility for it and to learn from it. Now, I want to make change and move forward. Admitting our mistakes or “wrong” decisions take us a lot of courage as it means that we have to face our fear of failure and imperfection; face people’s judgment and criticizing; face the consequences due to our choices. Especially, when our own mistakes caused harm to another, we just wanted to run away and punish ourselves by living a life with full of guilt and regret.
We did this as a punishment to ourselves but we do not realize that by moaning and groaning does not solve any problems and can not change what we have done, it only make what we already did worse and trap us in that situation with no hope, but only pain, and never be able to get out of it. We do not realize that by doing so, we have not only damaged others but also destroyed our own life. As a result, we have stopped ourselves as well as others from moving forward in their life. We alos have stopped our soul from growing spiritually.
What happened already happened as we did not know any better. What has done is already done and we can not go back to change it. The past is gone, we can not do anything about it. But, if we can let go of it and let the universe provide another opportunity for us to correct the mistake, or we just need to find what the lesson we need to learn from it, we can achieve our soul growth from it, we can change the “negative” to “positive”. This is all matters in our life.
We are the creator of our own reality. What a life we want to create? It is up to each one of us, we are creating and building by living our day to day life. Our choices are the stepping stones for the building. Fear not to make choice and our heart is the guidance.
Tags: better life, change, choices, comfort zone, creator, doubt, Energy, fear, forgive, God, guidance, heart, insecurity, lesson, life, move forward, reality, responsibility, soul, spiritul growth, Ultimate Being
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Monday, May 31st, 2010
Later on, quite a few people asked me, “how come you are so lucky to be in the school to work for Spirit with secured income, why can’t I be in your position”. To people’s such question, I do feel fortunate and grateful that I am able to work for spirit full time. I have come from China and ended here to work for my true destiny. This is indeed amazing! I should call it a miracle. It is a long journey of change. However, I also know that had I not quit my job and sold my house in Philadelphia, had I not made this choice to give up everything and step out of the comfort zone, I would never have the opportunity to come to Seattle and work full time for spirit. Sometimes, people only see what we have achieved but not see how we get there.
The purpose of life is soul growth. Life is a big school, full of learning and growing experiences. We started from the conscious level or vibration where we had left from our previous life, then we started climb the ladder of life to higher consciousness through our learning and growing experiences. The choices we have made along the way in our life play the most important role in this process as each of the choices we have made either can lead us to the direct path to higher consciousness or hold us much longer at the level we are or even go backwards.
However, no matter what choices we have made, there is no right or wrong, only experience. As long as we take full responsibility for our own choices and learn as much as we can from the experiences, we are still able to learn and grown from that experience spiritually and change the so called “bad” choice into a “good” experience. This is all matters and all count in our soul!
Very often, because of our fear, doubt, insecurity and low self-esteem, or because of our lack of spiritual awareness or our ignorance of the spiritual part of us, we make choices out of these without knowing what we have done or what we are doing, when things get bad or worse, we tend to blame others, especially blame God, why God or the people who love us the most put us into such a mess or difficult life? But we don’t realize that we are the one who did this to ourselves. Yes, there are situations that seem leaving no choice for us to make. But there is always a choice we can make.
To be continued….
Tags: backwards, body, change, choices, experience, happy, higher consciousness, life, Maitreya, Margaret, mind, responsibility, soul, spirit, vibration
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Tuesday, May 25th, 2010
We, as human being, live in a free will planet. Because of the free will, we are free to make choices. Whatever choices we make is for our souls’ learning and growth on the spiritual level. Because of the choices we make, we have to learn to take full responsibility for our choice and its consequences. There is no right, no wrong, only experiences; there is no punishment even if we have made “bad” choice. As long as we can learn from every choice we have made, it is a “good” experience as it has enabled our souls to learn and grow from that experience. Often, the most learning and growing we can achieve for our soul is from the “bad” choice or the mistake we made. In this sense, the “bad” choice or “mistake” has turned out the best learning experience. This is life all about – choices and experiences for soul’s spiritual growth.
However, even though we can freely make choice, what choice we have made does make differences in our life, sometimes, could be a very big difference. Because of this, it may take a life time, even quite a few life times to go through and get where we are destined to be. How can we tell what choice is better than others? We don’t, there is no standard to follow as one man’s truth could be another’s folly. We are all unique individuals. We have our own lessons, karma and destiny to be learned or fulfilled. We can not follow anyone but our own truth. How can we tell what our truth is? The only place holds our truth is our heart.
Our Spirit resides in our heart. By following our heart, we follow our Spirit, so that we are able to choice what is the best for ourselves and for our soul. Often we don’t know if we have made the right choice, however, by following our heart to make choice, it can never be wrong as it is always for the betterment of our soul even though it maybe at times a difficult or not easy choice.
To be continued….
Tags: choice, consquences, experiences, heart, lessons, life, responsibility, soul, spirit, truth
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Monday, May 10th, 2010
How can I find out what I need to look at? Astrology is always the answer. Astrology deals with energy and we are pure energy in different forms and we are all connected by energy. Therefore, I checked my astrology and found out that my transit Saturn at this moment is retrograde in my 5th house, the house of children, which shows me that I need to be patience and not to take things personally. As I realize this, I stop taking her reaction personally. Hopefully, when Saturn moves out of my 5th house, I have learned my lesson from this left over.
Astrology is the most powerful tool to find out why, how, what, who and when in our life situation. Especially, if there is a karmic issue involved in a relationship or a situation; or a lesson we need to learn to free us from past life energy. Astrology can assist us to achieve this goal. By understanding what we have chosen to do in this life, it will greatly save us from waste our energy in repeating past life situation, and will help us move out of the past life situation much quicker.
Recently I did a reading for a young lady. Her marriage is falling apart. Her husband is accusing her bad and miserable personality. She is hurt and devastated. She said that she loves her husband very much and she can do anything for him. In the past 8 years when her husband was in depression and could not work, she took the responsibility to work full time, meanwhile, look after her husband. Now, her husband is getting better and able to work, their situation should be getting better as they are finally able to settle down, but her husband now wants to separate from her and does not want anything to do with her anymore.
To be continued….
Tags: Astrology, Energy, husband, karma, karmic issue, life, natal chart, past life energy, past life regression, past life situation, personality, reading, responsibility
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Thursday, April 15th, 2010
At those years, I kept myself busy. Even though Spirit sent me a lot of messages that I needed to slow done and I needed to take time off, my Self simply ignored them all. I kept saying, “ no, I can handle it”, “no, I am ok’, “no, I enjoy doing it”. I did not stop doing things nights and weekend. I did not realize that I kept myself busy because I was insecure and in fear that if I had a break, someone was going to replace me and I would not have what I had. My Self wanted to control and wanted to show off my importance.
Last year, there was a lot of changes in our working place, new people with new energy came in, I was no longer doing what I used to do, no more workshops ( no people came), no more responsibilities at school. My Self was in terror and felt threatened that I was no longer in control at all. No one needed me anymore. My Self was not happy about this situation. Therefore, my Self created an illusion that since I did not have anything to do anymore, which meant that I was no longer needed. Before they asked me to leave, I’d better to leave. Therefore, my Self created a situation: readers to give me the message that I needed to move on and to do things outside the center.
So I was in anger and busy to prepare to leave and blamed others for all these happening. I did all these without knowing what my Self was doing to me till Master Maitreya stepped in and talked to me with love what my Self was doing to me. Being in the Master’s energy enabled me to see through the illusion what my Self was doing, I was shocked by it! I could not believe after quite a few years being educated directly by the Master, I was still taken away by my Self even without realizing it at all!
This was the true awakening call to me. Since then I was starting to pay attention to my Self’s doing. Because of Spirit slowed me down by removing all that my Self held on to, my Self jumped out to fight its mighty. But because of that, I was finally able to see my Self with the help of Maitreya. This was a big lesson I have learned last year and because of that, I truly began to look within to deal with my own darkness and deep issues.
To be continued….
Tags: anger, awakening call, darkness, Illusion, Messages, patience, pay attention to, responsibility, self, spirit
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Wednesday, March 24th, 2010
What is intuition? It is the first knowing in our heart. We can feel it. However, most time we do not follow it as it could come from nowhere and it does not make any sense logically. It is so easy for us to find excuses not to follow it rather than following our logic thinking and old way to do things.
Spirit communicates with us through our intuition. They not only guide us on our spiritual development but also in our daily lives. However, for me, I am more alert to listen to my intuition when it comes to spiritual work, somehow, I have not been able to apply it to my daily life. I thought as long as I asked Spirit for protection, everything in my life should runs smoothly as if it is not my responsibility but Spirit’s. How wrong I was and I have learned it from my own experience.
About two weeks ago, while I was driving (I got a lot of awareness and realization while I was driving on the road aside the water), a knowing came to me that I should consider buying a membership from triple A, a road assistance system, to assist anyone whose car has problems on the road. I had this membership for many years before I moved to Washington State. Since I moved to this State, in order to cut cost, I have to budget my spending so that I cancelled my membership. It has been 4 years now and I have not had any problems on the road. So, when I had the feeling that I need to have the membership again in case something happened to my car while I was driving, I thought it was my fear.
Need to buy a triple A membership was my first feeling, but then my mind started to play the game. Firstly, I thought about the cost, I told myself it was expensive and it was over my budget; Secondly, myself convinced me that I did not have any problem on the road in the past four years, I should not worry about it and buying the membership was my fear; Thirdly, I was working for Spirit and I asked for protection everyday, so Spirit should protect me (see, I put my own responsibility to Spirit). As a result, despite of my strongly feeling, I decided not to buy the membership with the hope that nothing would happen to my car. I even said an affirmation to eliminate the fear I thought I had. Then, as time passes by, I totally forgot this feeling.
To be continued..
Tags: awareness, communication, daily lives, experience, heart, intution, logic thinking, protection, realization, responsibility, spirit, spiritual work
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Sunday, March 14th, 2010
As I now is more and more getting into metaphysics, I am more and more aware of the true causes of all our diseases. What emotions are the true cause of my mother’s dis- ease. I list here a few: Pancreatitis: rejection. Anger and frustration because life seems to have lost its sweetness; Gallstones: Grief which has hardened, bitterness, feelings of resentment, irritability, depression, feeling wounded and trying to blame someone for your pain and suffering, difficult forgiving; Kidney stones: Carrying painful memories, living in the past, unable to trust, shame, disappointment, failure, feeling that you have been hammered. Kidney failure: feeling disempowered, lack of communication, deep sadness, fear, etc. ( The Secret Language of Your Body, by Inna Segal; Heal Your Body, by Louise Hay)
As I read all these causes behind my mother’s disease, I do start to understand my mother’s deep pain. That is why she was trying to withdraw, to hide, to feel being pissed off and to avoid confrontation. She has tried her best to give her love to us but she could not love herself. As I am aware of this, I feel deep pain in my heart. I truly wish that my mother could know this so that she would make a completely different life.
As Maitreya said, life is meant to be happy. But why our life is so difficult? It is because we have allowed our emotions to control us. If we understand that we have lessons to learn, we have karma to pay and nothing happens by accident, we can look things differently. Instead of blaming others and ourselves, we take responsibility; see anything we go through is for our soul’s growth spiritually. This is all matters. I believe that we will make our life different. We still have painful moment, but the difference is that we understand where, why, how we have the pain and we will not hold onto it. The more we let it go, the faster it will pass.
The inherited emotions from my mother really opened me up. I can see how the emotions can be carried over from generation to generation. I truly thank my mother for her love and for the gift she has left for me. It enabled me to know her on the deep soul level even after she had passed many years ago. It enabled me to feel her love much deeper. It enabled me to realize that holding onto any emotions only harm me the most and this will be a self doing so that I no longer need to hold onto any emotions. I also made a suggestion to my daughter to be aware the possible inherited emotions she might get from me. To the end, the most important thing I have learned from this experience is to truly love myself. If I can truly love myself unconditionally, I can go through any ordeals without taking in any negativity. Self forgiving, self love, self acceptance and self respect are the hardest lessons we are here to learn, but it is the only true power that we can use to overcome any negativity.
Tags: accident, daughter, deep pain, disease, emotion, generation, happy, karma, lesson, Maitreya, mother, responsibility, self-forgiving
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Tuesday, February 9th, 2010
Even after you remarried, you wanted me to pay your transportation cost every month for you to go to visit your new wife. This was your responsibility but you put it on me. You wrote to me that you need money to visit your new wife every month. I was very surprised by your letter. You had your retirement, you also had extra regular income which was much higher than average income most people had. You used the money we gave you paid off the three bedroom apartment. So you really did not need me to pay the transportation for you. Later on I found that my husband sent you my salary while I was in Japan.
I was very angry when I heard all of these. So I wrote a letter to you that your wife was your responsibility but not mine, I did not have any obligation to pay your visiting to her. I also told you that I would stop sending you money monthly which my husband did while I was in Japan. I would only give you money on the holidays and at the end of each year. Since then you finally stopped asking me to give you money.
After many years struggling life, I finally settled down in the USA. I had my green card; I bought my house and had a stable job. After I completely settled down, I invited you and my step mother both to visit me because I wanted you to enjoy life. When you both came, I gave you my master bedroom for you to use and I myself stayed in our guest room. I knew that you enjoyed food so that I bought all the best quality of food for you. I tried to make you happy and enjoy life. I also used weekend to take you going out. But I was a single mother and had a high school daughter who was going to college soon. The time was very critical for her.
To be continued…
Tags: apartment, income, money, obligation, people, responsibility, retirement, transportation, wife
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