Posts Tagged ‘Relationship’
Saturday, September 4th, 2010
As I was sitting in my lawyer’s car and recalling the whole thing, I felt that I was so stupid in the whole thing. I hated myself to get involved in this relationship. I hated myself not to listen to spirit’s message. I hated myself not smart enough to collect all evidence. I hated myself to be so naïve to consider him as a decent and noble man. All the anger and hatred I had inside me towards him were starting coming to the surface. What I did not realize was that the lesson I really needed to learn with him was not to have fear to speak my truth quietly and clearly.
I did not do so from the day one I had relationship with him. I did not tell him how unhappy I was in this relationship. I did not tell him that what I wanted in this relationship. I did not tell him my truth quietly and clearly with love. All I did was allowed my fear taking over. I was afraid of telling the truth so he would be angry with me. I was afraid of exposing our relationship because I was afraid of what people would think about me. I was afraid of telling other people about our relationship as I was afraid of causing damage on his reputation and his career so that people would condemn me. Fear, fear, fear!!!!
It was my fear that finally dragged me into this lawsuit. This is the universal way, if I did not learn what I supposed to learn, Universe would find another way to enable me to learn my lesson, of course, a much harder way. Now I had to go to the deposition to speak my truth in a more embarrassing way. I could not blame anyone but myself. I just felt myself so unbelievably stupid. I wished that I could do better but it was too late to go back.
continued…
Tags: anger, career, fear, lawsuit, lesson, message, Relationship, spirit
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Friday, September 3rd, 2010
He asked me to be prepared for marriage as he thought that this relationship led to marriage. He became very dominate as if he was still my boss even in our personal relationship. I soon realized that I was not happy in this relationship at all levels.
For me, because of my lack of believing in myself in doing spiritual work, I wanted badly to have a spiritual partner who could help me do the work together. When I had the relationship with him, I thought that he would support me to do the spiritual work and even to do it together with me. Unfortunately, he was no longer interested in what I was interested in spiritual matters. He even told me that it was perfect if I no longer worked in the same office. I was very unhappy about what I was aware. But I was so afraid of telling him that this relationship would not go anywhere as I did not want to damage our friendship which could cause me to lose my job, and I needed this job for security as it gave me full benefit including my daughter’s college tuition.
I tried to get along with him and to cope the relationship, as our relationship went on, other past life energies began to come to the surface, I was very unhappy, angry and depressed. Many times I cried on the way back home from his apartment and prayed to God to give me strength and to love him more. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I had tried, I just simply was not able to achieve what I had wished. Until the day I had private study with Margaret/Maitreya and then I was told that I was not meant to be with him. I felt so free and so happy as if a big burden was removed from my shoulder….
continued….
Tags: lawsuit, Maitreya, Margaret, past life energies, Relationship, strength
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
In the deep hypnotic state, I saw I killed myself with a sharp knife. I saw the knife penetrated my heart and I died from it. As soon as I saw this, the pain in my heart was even more intensified. I could not help crying deeply in the middle night. I killed myself because my lover did not want me anymore and went back to his wife. I was heart broken but could not let go of him. So the only way I could free myself from the heart broken was to kill myself. The last image I saw was that my ex-boss stood in front of my grave sadly.
I was shocked by what I found out during this regression. I could not believe what I saw was true. Therefore, I wrote to Maitreya about this past life and he confirmed it. Then I went to our office and found my ex-boss there, I told him about it and he said to me that he fell in love with me the first day he met me. It was almost 8 years ago!
The past life energy lit up our passion and we had sex. This was the beginning of our relationship. This enabled me to clear so much deep buried emotional energy I created from this past life situation. I even had period after it stopped two years ago. The pain in my heart and chest area was magically disappeared short after I had the relationship with my ex-boss.
For him, he thought that he found a perfect partner so that he went crazy. He could stop on the free way to call me to ask me to stop while I was also driving on the free way. However, it was different for m though. After I released this past life energy, I no longer felt attraction to him as it was not meant to be. I was meant to let go of him in this life and not to hold on to him anymore. Therefore, as the past life energy was released, I was ready to move on.
continued…
Tags: heart, heart broken, lawsuit, Maitreya, partner, past life energy, regression, Relationship
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Tuesday, August 31st, 2010
Meanwhile, my Self was really having a Self day, it kept dragging me down. It stayed in my mind and kept telling me that the lawyers of my ex boss would never believed in me, they would think that I was a liar and failure who wanted to dig the gold from this lawsuit. They would think that I had the sexual relationship with my ex-boss because I seduced him in order to keep my job. Bla, bla, bla…. The more my Self talked to me that way, the more depressed and discouraged I was. On the way to Philadelphia, while my lawyer was driving, my Self had me reviewing the whole thing I had with my ex-boss.
Having an intimate relationship with my own boss really broke my own rule I had set up for myself. I did not want to have any close relationship in my working place as I did not want to lose my job. I have worked so hard to keep good performance since I came to the US as I knew how important to have a job to survival as a foreigner in this country. I was very cautious and never had any problems with all my former bosses wherever I worked for not until 2004.
Before 2004 I have had a good employer- employee relationship with my ex-boss, everything was business and I should say that I handled it very well. If not so, they would not match my pharmaceutical salary to bring me back to work for them.
Since I began to search for my life purpose, I took more spiritual and metaphysical courses with Margaret/Maitreya in Australia. My ex-boss showed great interest in what I was doing. He became my first student and wanted to know more about what I had learned from these courses. I was also very enthusiastic to share with him about what I have learned as I was also in a state of wow for what I have found for my life.
continued…
Tags: business, failure, job, lawsuit, problems, Relationship, salary, self, sexual relationship
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Thursday, August 26th, 2010
Not too long after I bought the plane tickets, I got an email from Alan that he wanted to do a Body-Mind-Spirit show tour and he wanted me to join them. I was so excited about it as for so long I was waiting and struggling for my future direction, I finally heard some good news and it gave me hope. I flew to Tacoma, WA in November to prepare our tour with Alan’s team, it was four of us including Margaret.
This meeting changed my plan so that I had to postpone opening a school at Philadelphia area. When I flew back to Philadelphia, I told my friend about this change. She was not happy about it as she thought she had invested so much her time with me. In order to compensate her, I gave her the flight ticket I bought for her so she could use it for her any trip she’d like to.
Finally, for the first time in that year I saw the light and hope. When I looked back to that time today, I realized that it was my spiritual testing time, letting go of my fear, standing up for my own truth and belief, moving out of my comfort zone, and moving forward to my true destiny. I was proud of myself that I did go through this period and came out as a better and stronger spiritual soul.
I used to think that the year of 2005 was the most difficult year I had experienced in my life as I had broken a fatal relationship, moved away from the church I had devoted my services for quite a few years, left all my old friends, sold my house and quit my job. I basically was totally alone. I had to stand up on my own two foot on the ground and depend on no one to struggle through the radical change and transformation.
continued…
Tags: Church, experience, ground, job, lawsuit, radical change, Relationship, service, spiritual soul, stand up, transformation
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Friday, August 20th, 2010
The reading I had with a wonderful healer during the course was that I needed to pay close attention to all the paper work, legal procedure and documents. I thought it was meant to all my tax documents and paper work but the legal matter never crossed my mind so I did not get the true message at all.
Now I could see the message but it was too late. What was done was already done, I could not do anything to change it. Once I realized this I was so upset for what I did and I felt so stupid that I did not get the true message from spirit at all even though they had tried to help me but I was just blind and deaf! I cried for my stupid and even more feared of the lawsuit.
As I was total alone at home and had no body talking to. I was thinking about what was going to happen when all my church friends heard my romance with my boss and the ugly ending story, especially the sexual relationship with him. I became even more ashamed and fearful. I just felt as if I was surrounded by a hug and thick dark cloud. I was almost not able to breathe while I was thinking about it!
I used to be a very private and secret person as I did not trust people easily due to my experiences of betrayal in my childhood. I did not want anything in my personal life become the weapon for others to attack me. But now I could see that by going through the lawsuit I had to expose all my personal life including my sexual life! I had to tolerate people’s gossipy, judgmental and criticize. I would be very vulnerable and helpless as it could be totally out of my control. It would shatter all my ridged and conditioned beliefs and habits which had build up in my life. Oh, Gosh, it was too much to take it! It was far beyond my control!….. My Self kept chatting to me this way and I even did not realize it was my Self talking but thought it was my reality!
continued…
Tags: beliefs, childhood, habits, lawsuit, legal matter, message, personal life, Relationship, self, spirit
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
Since then I worked much harder to improve my performance in the hope that they would change their mind. Unfortunately I was so naïve. No matter how hard I have tried, I still got the second warning letter. In this letter, they put me in 3 months probation and gave me very strict restriction. If I still stayed in my job, I would loss all my self respect as a human being. Till then I realized that nothing would change no matter how hard I had tried. It was not about my performance. It was because I broke the relationship with my boss, he could not stand for being rejected by me; he could not watch me taking control for my own life!
I had quite a few past lives with my boss. In all those lives, he was the dominate one and in total control. I was only his sexual slave and mistress. He had full power over me to do whatever he wanted to do to me. Because of fear I gave my power away to him and allowed him to control me. In this life, I have chosen to take my power back.
By breaking up the relationship with him, it was the first step for me to take my power back. However, he could not bear losing control and his power. Therefore, he used his power to manipulate others to believe in him that my job performance was very poor. He wanted me to beg him to allow me stay and to go back to him. But I did not want to go back to him. I wanted to move on!
Therefore, I made the choice to quit my job. Although I had a very stable and secured job with good income, it was no longer for me. In the same week that I left my job I also sold my house. Within a week I lost my job and my house. I had to find a place to stay and I was officially unemployed. It was August of 2005.
continued….
Tags: choice, cotrol, fear, job, lawsuit, life, move on, past lives, performance, power, Relationship, slave
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Monday, August 16th, 2010
I never thought that I was going to have a lawsuit in my life. I used to be very cautious not to break any laws in order to avoid any trouble in my life after experiencing my father’s arrest event in the Chinese Cultural Revolution. I had carried deep fear over authorities due to my horrible experiences with authority in many incarnations. I tried to stay away from any trouble with government, authority, police and law, etc.
Unfortunately, the Universe knows me much better than I know myself. What I had feared with, the Universe brought to me to face it. It sounds very scary, and going through the process was not easy either, but as I faced my fear, I have learned so much from it and become a better soul.
It was in September of 2005, I just went through a big change in my life. In March that year, I broke up a relationship with my boss. Even though we only had a few months relationship, it was a very intense and emotional charged relationship. In a short period, all the past life energies started to come to the surface, I was emotionally charged by these energies but was not aware of it. I was very angry, sad, depressed and felt as if I was trapped into a hopeless trap. I finally was able to break this relationship and felt free. But 10 days later after the termination of the relationship, I got first warning letter from my big boss ( higher position than the one I had relationship with) for my poor job performance. I knew what the true cause was of this letter but I was so afraid of speaking out the truth. I was afraid of what other people were going to thinking about me if I exposed my sexual relationship with my boss; I was so afraid of being laughed, judged and ridiculed. So I did not say anything but kept it quietly.
continued…
Tags: change, Chinese Cultural Revolution, event, father, fear, job, law, lawsuit, life, performance, Relationship, soul, universe
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Friday, July 23rd, 2010
First thing I realize what I need to change is to stop judging and criticizing anyone and anything. Instead of thinking about people or things in a judgmental and critical manner, I need to see the light, good and beauty in everyone I encounter and everything I deal with. Everyone has a heart, a beautiful heart. If I can see this beauty and trust it, I will be able to feel it and be touched by it. This is the first thing for me to do. If I can truly do so, I can be truly kind, soft and gentle.
A few days ago, I thought about something that we should do a few weeks before. But the person who was in charge did not do it because of the very busy schedule. While I was driving, I thought about it, my first response to my thought was blaming and anger because I automatically ran into my old habit and pattern: judgmental and critical. I thought about how they should do but they did not do, how this person never listened to me and never allowed me to help, bla, bla, bla… This triggered me so much anger and hatred. It was very intense so that it shocked me as I did not know where it came from. I vented my anger and hatred, and made conscious choice that I determined not to let the anger and hatred to control over my emotions anymore. Once the anger was vented, I was able to be calm and to look at this situation from within. What should I learn or do in this situation?
While I was thinking, I realized that I used to allow my emotions to take over in the past whenever I thought about things or situations related to this person. I always put myself in a victim position and always blamed this person. But I never thought if I could consider things or situations from this person’s situation, I might have better understanding. As I realized this, I was aware that I have created the uneasy relationship or uneasy cooperative situation because of my judgmental and critical attitude, and because of my conditioning and belief. As I was aware of this pattern, I decided to change it.
To be continued…
Tags: attitude, belief, change, conditioning, critical, emotions, good, judgmental, light, Relationship, situation, victim
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010
Last Saturday I had a private session with Karen/Sister. During the session I asked them about my lessons regarding the relationships with men. I have been divorced for 11 years since I came to the United States and raised my daughter alone. During this period, I was basically living a single life. My ex-husband was married right after our divorce and soon had a son. I was very happy for him as I was not able to give him a life and a family he deserved.
When my daughter was going to college, my ex-husband told me that he could not pay any tuition for my daughter because he had spent his money for his son. I did not waste any energy to argue with him as I knew that he had already made his mind, why I should loss my pride to beg him? I managed to do it on my own.
I had a few very short relationships with men in the last six years. I had past lives with each one of them. By being with them, they triggered the past life energy I had with them which has been buried in my subconscious memory for many incarnations. When the energy came to the surface, all the unpleasant, painful and intense emotions were brought to my consciousness to be released. As a result, I ended up all the relationships with them but raised my vibration. In this process, the more I let go of any of these emotions, the more I cleared the blockages in my etheirc body and my soul memory so that I was able to move forward to my true soul destiny.
Up to now, I am reaching a stage that I can clear the deeper layers of my emotional blocks from my soul memory. A few weeks ago I met a gentleman who came to our center to rent a room for his workshop. We have had a few very short conversations during that period. One day this gentleman came to our center and wanted to have a short reading to find out what he should do for his future. I was ready to leave when he walked in, so that I suggested him to come back in a week.
During this time period, I was thinking how I could help him to find out what was the best career he could choose for his soul and for meeting his true destiny. I knew that the astrological reading was the best way to go. Although the money he had was not enough for this reading, I decided to do it for him anyway.
To be continued….
Tags: Astrology, blockage, career, consciousness, emotions, healing, heart, layers, money, past life, reading, Relationship, soul memory, vibration, workshop
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
