Posts Tagged ‘light’

SEE THE LIGHT AND GOOD IN EVERYONE – Final Words

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

First of all, I stopped judging or feeling bad about this person and the related work. Secondly, I decided not to take this matter personally but see it move objectively. Then, I asked myself: How could I help? I decided that instead of blaming or criticizing this person, understanding their situation, having sympathy and compassion to them. Therefore, I approached this person and offered my help in a very sincere way. surprised me that this person was far more pleased by my offering to help.

From this event, I have learned that I can make difference and create the positive reality by changing my habit, pattern, belief and conditioning. Anything and anyone in the outside world is only a reflection of my inner world. I can not judge, criticize and blame anyone for what I don’t like. They are only the mirrors for what I need to see and to deal with within me. I am the only one who is responsible for me, my life and my situation. The key to improve my relationships with others is to work on my self from within. Before I judge and criticize, I need to see the good, light and beauty in others. By doing this alone, it will help me be at peace with myself. If I can be at peace with myself, I will have peace with others, with the situation, with the environment.

This awareness is a revolution for me. This is going to change my old habit, belief, conditioning and pattern from my very being which I have carried for so many incarnations. Only by doing so, working on each aspect of me step by step, little by little, can I truly evolve to the soul who I truly am. I know that this will be an on-going process and will not be an easy one either. But with my good intention, patience, discipline, determination and perseverance, I can make the change. I am the only one to be responsible for my life. If I do not do it, nobody will do it for me.

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SEE THE LIGHT AND GOOD IN EVERYONE – Part 4

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

First thing I realize what I need to change is to stop judging and criticizing anyone and anything. Instead of thinking about people or things in a judgmental and critical manner, I need to see the light, good and beauty in everyone I encounter and everything I deal with. Everyone has a heart, a beautiful heart. If I can see this beauty and trust it, I will be able to feel it and be touched by it. This is the first thing for me to do. If I can truly do so, I can be truly kind, soft and gentle.

A few days ago, I thought about something that we should do a few weeks before. But the person who was in charge did not do it because of the very busy schedule. While I was driving, I thought about it, my first response to my thought was blaming and anger because I automatically ran into my old habit and pattern: judgmental and critical. I thought about how they should do but they did not do, how this person never listened to me and never allowed me to help, bla, bla, bla… This triggered me so much anger and hatred. It was very intense so that it shocked me as I did not know where it came from. I vented my anger and hatred, and made conscious choice that I determined not to let the anger and hatred to control over my emotions anymore. Once the anger was vented, I was able to be calm and to look at this situation from within. What should I learn or do in this situation?

While I was thinking, I realized that I used to allow my emotions to take over in the past whenever I thought about things or situations related to this person. I always put myself in a victim position and always blamed this person. But I never thought if I could consider things or situations from this person’s situation, I might have better understanding. As I realized this, I was aware that I have created the uneasy relationship or uneasy cooperative situation because of my judgmental and critical attitude, and because of my conditioning and belief. As I was aware of this pattern, I decided to change it.

To be continued…

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SEE THE LIGHT AND GOOD IN EVERYONE – Part 3

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

Many years down the road I have developed the habit to do things with no mistake. I always wanted to be the best, not because I wanted to be the best, but because I was afraid if I was not the best, I would be in trouble of survival, nobody would not value me or keep me. If I made mistakes or errors, I could blame myself very badly; I would think the mistake or the error over and over again: How could I let this happen? How stupid I was that I did not pay attention to! Other people would laugh at me now …bla, bla, bla… My mind ran as a wild horse and my Self would imagine all sorts of sceneries how things could be. I could not forgive it for a long time either. Then I would try to justify myself or to find excuses for the mistake or to cover it up before anyone found it. Because of fear, fear of being a failure, fear of being not good enough, fear of being less than others, I was afraid of taking responsibility for mistakes or errors I have made.

This gradually has become a habit and a pattern of me to deal with people, things and situations. As I so used to be this way, I even could not realize any problems or issues I have developed from it. Because I have been dealing with the outside and inside world this way, I habitually also think about others this way too. I would judge others based on my belief. I suspect other people’s good intention or genuine. It is so easy for me to find people’s flaws, fault, problems or shadow part, then, I based on what I found to judge them. The more I did this way, the less I could trust others. The less I could trust others, the few friends I could have. Because of the judgmental and critical, my mind was all the time busy to create conflict, difficult and disharmony between me and others. My mind did not have peace at all! When my mind was not in peace, my whole being was not in peace. I did not realize that I created this reality for myself!

I did not have close friendship because I could not trust anyone. I did not have good relationships because I could not see any good and genuine in others. For so long I have been in denial and self pity for all these happening in my life, I have been struggling and suffering from all its consequences as my soul does not like it at all. I hated myself and I was angry with myself because I saw myself as a ugly, unattractive and unlovable person. And I tried to find the solution from external but no result… Until now, as I raise my consciousness, I finally realize that I can not find any solution externally except looking within as it is all within. Because of this awareness, I am now finally able to see what I need to change!

To be continued….

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SEE THE LIGHT AND GOOD IN EVERYONE – Part 2

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

I used to play a lot with 3 girls who were one grad higher than me but lived in the same family housing area in my father’s working place – Police Department of our city. Unfortunately, one day before the Cultural Revolution, three of them came to me to condemn me as bullying and declared that they terminated their friendship with me because I touched one girl’s breast even though she allowed me to touch it. They did not give me time to explain but just left. I was desperate and ashamed, even today when I thought about them, I can still see their stern face clearly. I really felt that I was abandoned because of my stupid and silly action. I also felt guilt and dirty.

This event has created a deep scar in my relationship with others. Since then, I was afraid of making friends with others, was afraid of expressing myself to others. The Cultural Revolution made everything much worse in me than ever. I not only was afraid of making friends, but also could not trust anyone as I saw so much betrayal and distrust: husband and wife against each other; children against their parents; brother against brother; neighbors against neighbors. I could not find anywhere to be safe and secured. I could not talk to anyone and I did not have anybody talking to either, including my parents. Basically I was a scared and lonely child, I longed for having friends but was so afraid of being rejected, not liked, betrayed and abandoned.

For those years in my childhood, I have learned that I could not trust anyone if I was going to survival. I kept everything inside me and did not share any of my true feelings, thoughts and emotions with anyone. I only showed to people what I felt safe and superficial. I hide myself in a hard shell for survival. In order for me to survive from any situation, I constantly judged people in my mind based on my belief and conditioning so that I could response properly. I worked very hard to be perfect so that nobody would find any faults or mistakes in me  and I could be away from any troubles. I silently judged people’s intention and motivations, and I was always able to find their flaws. This has become my instinct response to anyone or any situation.

To be continued….

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SEE THE LIGHT AND GOOD IN EVERYONE – Part 1

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

Before I came to the earth plane in this life, I choose to learn heavy lessons in the area of relationships, not only all type of relationships with human interaction, especially the one on one intimate relationship, but also with animals and nature as well. I have chosen to learn to be softer. Although I have been a female figure in many incarnations, but I have not learned to be gentle, to be softer without losing my power; I either allowed others to control me completely but buried so much anger within me, or I controlled others and treated others badly. Either way is not the way to bring peace, harmony, joy and happiness into my life. Therefore, in this incarnation I have determined to work out the karma I have acuminated in this area and bring balance back into my being.

In my whole life, I hardly have very close friends. Being without friends was bothered me greatly when I was young. I wanted to fit into my age group and wanted to be liked by my schoolmates, but for somehow, no one ever was close to me. I wanted to be good friend with some classmates whose family were on the high social status but ended only had one friend whose school grades were not good, in other words, who was not “academic smart”. She was the only loyal friend I had in my primary school even though I had excellent grades. She was always with me and supported me. Unfortunately, our relationship was ruined by the event that she was infected by head fungi and she in turn infected me by using her comb on my hair, so we both had Scalp Ringworm and had to go to hospital in the capital city of our province for the special treatment. Because of that, my hair was shaved and my head was exposed to intense x-ray for 40 minutes in order to kill all fungi on my head. I had to go to school with a shaved head and was laughed badly by kids in our school wherever I was. I also developed bad headache. My health was also gone down.

When my mother found out that I got the Scalp Ringworm from her, she did not want me to be with my friend anymore. So I lost my only friend. Although I was “academic smart” and had very good school records, it did not buy me friendship with classmates. I was most of the time playing alone. I was very good at gymnastics without anyone teaching me. I was also good at sports so that I was selected to swim team in Sports School, which helped me greatly in my loneliness after school time.

To be continued….

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DEPRESSION – Final

Sunday, July 4th, 2010

Once I finished this process of clearing the depression, I then went to the process of brining joy back to my being and my life, “Divine Healing Spirit, using the joyous ray of sunlight, please bring happiness, confidence, vitality and vivacity into my life. Help me become more exuberant, energetic and dynamic. Flood me with your light and allow my life to flow with ease, harmony and grace. Assist me to deeply connect with the divinity of life and have access to limitless spiritual nourishment, inspiration, joy and love. Help me to open my heart fully and experience deep warmth, affection, compassion and openness, knowing from the depth of my soul that I am loved, cherished and cared for. Grant me the faith to know that I am not alone and will always be looked after. Thank you. Then I visualized that I was sitting on the pink rose quartz pedal stone and wrapped by this most beautiful love and healing energy and felt being loved unconditionally.

When our hear is opened to give and receive love, we experience joy. No matter who we are, we have the ability to contribute to others; to touch and warm their hearts. If we would like to experience more joy, we need to focus on what we can do or say to inspire someone else and then become aware of our heart opening. When we are joyful we are connected to the divine source of love.

Healing depression is not an overnight thing, it is an ongoing process as we don’t know how much emotions we have carried from past incarnations, and how deep we have buried them within us. When these emotions are coming to the surface, we will experience them on the physical, emotional and mental level. Therefore, if we do the heal exercise every day, to let go of the depression and to bring joy back into our life, we will gradually move away from it and move forward to higher vibration. We will gradually change our life to the way we desire too. We are the one who can make these changes; we are the one who can make this process faster, easier or slower, harder. We make the choice.

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DEPRESSION – Part 1

Thursday, July 1st, 2010

The spiritual development is meant to be happy and joyful in one’s life. However, when we have so much trapped emotions within our subconscious memories, we can not be happy and joyful no matter how “good” our life could be. It is these deep buried trapped emotions within us that are the cause of our unhappiness. One of the major causes of our unhappiness is “DEPRESSION”.

What is Depression? Depression is the body’s way of dealing with change, buried emotion, and stress. Where does depression come from? How is it created? “Depression can arise from deep disappointment, betrayal, loss of a loved one, failure, anger turned inwards, an accident, major trauma or physiological condition. Depression can make you feel helpless, lost, confused, fatigued and melancholy. You may feel that life has lost its meaning and has become dull, colorless and pointless. You may experience being trapped in the darkness of your mind and find it difficult to see a way out….. On the physical level, depression can lead to problems with gall bladder, lungs, prostate, back pain, alcoholism, compulsive eating, gallstones, scoliosis, blood problems, chest problems, joint stiffness, abscess, Alzheimer’s Disease, amnesia and many other ailments.” (Inna Segal, The Secret Language of Your Body).

Since I began my spiritual path seven years ago, I have been constantly in the process of release these deep buried emotions from within me. When these emotions came to the surface, they cause all sorts of reaction out of me. One of the major reactions I have had is depression. I have been in depression many times. When I was in that state of emotions, I just went down and down and down to the darkness as if there was no way to see the light and all I could see was that I was lost, isolated, lonely and hopelessness. I have lost any interest in life, I did not have any motivation to do any thing, I did not want to see anyone or talk to anyone but wanted to run away to a remote area where no one knows me or no one can reach me. I just wanted to kill myself as I saw myself as a stupid, unworthy, useless and unlovable person.

No matter how wonderful the outside world is, no matter how blessed I was, I simply just could not see that and just want to kill myself. For me this is an ongoing dealing. I have to live one day at a time. Some days I was simply into the depression and could not do anything, all I did was to cry and to sleep; other days I felt that I could not be like this so that I started say some affirmation to change the energy.

To be continued…

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FORGIVENESS – A LETTING GO LETTER TO MY FATHER – Part 19

Saturday, February 13th, 2010

The day before you die, I had a strong feeling to call you and I did. I talked to you about Angels and about the life continue after the physical death. I said to you:” I know you do not believe after life, but I want you to listen to me, no matter what is going to happen to you, you need to look for light and go to the light and you will be safe. And then you will know that I am right.” You said to me that you believed in me. This was the first time in my whole life, you said these words to me sincerely. I was so happy you said that.

The following day at our lunch time I was so sad and heavy, I sit outside our lab to pray for you. That evening I went to our church prayer meeting to pray for you. When I got home, my daughter was waiting for me to tell me that you passed away. Even though I was prepared I was still shocked by the news. I went to my bed room directly and cried and cried. I was so angry to God why he did not listen to my prayer and why he took you away before believed him. I prayed and cried and fall into sleep on the floor. I did not hear any answer from my prayer. But the following morning when I woke up, I felt peace.

I could not go back to China to attend your funeral. My ex-husband went for us. Before the funeral, your employer asked my brothers and sisters if they had any request to them. My brothers and sisters did not think about themselves but concern about our stepmother. Surprised them that our stepmother gave your employer your will you left to her without letting your children know, I could not believe that you excluded all your children from your will and left everything to our stepmother. It was not about the money, it was about how much you truly cared about your own children.

Who was there to take care of you while you were sick? It was my sister. But you did say any words to thank them for their caring. They had their own family, they had job too, but they took turn to look after you. You did not show any appreciation to them. You broke their heart. What kind father were you?! You complained your children not celebrate your birthday, but have you ever thought about what you have done to them? Have you ever loved them as a true father? I could not judge you because I was not there. I am only here to ask you this question. My brothers and sisters did not want anything from you except your love and acceptance. They gave everything to our stepmother because they have their dignity. I wish you could open your eyes and heart to them to see how much they loved you and how much they wanted your love because you were their only father!

To be continued….

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MY SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT – Part 10

Monday, January 4th, 2010

Spirit has said many times to us that they wish we can see ourselves as they see each one of us: a magnificent, beautiful and radiant soul, and an invincible power house of energy. But most of us could not see that. Why? It is because all these trapped negative energies have locked us in the darkness so that we could not see through it in the light. Clearing the blocked energies at the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels is a huge task and need many years hard work. Flower essence, crystals, colors and sounds are all powerful modalities to assist us to bring the emotions at our subconscious and unconscious to our conscious so that we can be aware of them and to let go of them. This is the work we have to do by ourselves as these are within us. If we do not take the initiation and do it, nobody else can do it for us.

However, the Photon Energy is assisting us to do our work. The universe sent Photon energy to our Earth Plane since 1980’s to help Earth Plane ascension to higher consciousness and to assist humanity change and raise vibration to higher consciousness too. It compacts time so we can live in the now. By living in the now, we will no longer live in the past and worry about future. It also pull the deep buried energies out of our beings as well as out of the Earth Plane. Therefore, this is a great time and opportunity for each one of us to do our own work: let go of the past and clear our luggage we have carried many incarnations and move forward to ascend to higher vibration, higher consciousness. In this way, we can make a better life for ourselves as well as for the whole world.

To be continued…..

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