First thing I realize what I need to change is to stop judging and criticizing anyone and anything. Instead of thinking about people or things in a judgmental and critical manner, I need to see the light, good and beauty in everyone I encounter and everything I deal with. Everyone has a heart, a beautiful heart. If I can see this beauty and trust it, I will be able to feel it and be touched by it. This is the first thing for me to do. If I can truly do so, I can be truly kind, soft and gentle.
A few days ago, I thought about something that we should do a few weeks before. But the person who was in charge did not do it because of the very busy schedule. While I was driving, I thought about it, my first response to my thought was blaming and anger because I automatically ran into my old habit and pattern: judgmental and critical. I thought about how they should do but they did not do, how this person never listened to me and never allowed me to help, bla, bla, bla… This triggered me so much anger and hatred. It was very intense so that it shocked me as I did not know where it came from. I vented my anger and hatred, and made conscious choice that I determined not to let the anger and hatred to control over my emotions anymore. Once the anger was vented, I was able to be calm and to look at this situation from within. What should I learn or do in this situation?
While I was thinking, I realized that I used to allow my emotions to take over in the past whenever I thought about things or situations related to this person. I always put myself in a victim position and always blamed this person. But I never thought if I could consider things or situations from this person’s situation, I might have better understanding. As I realized this, I was aware that I have created the uneasy relationship or uneasy cooperative situation because of my judgmental and critical attitude, and because of my conditioning and belief. As I was aware of this pattern, I decided to change it.
To be continued…