Posts Tagged ‘change’
Sunday, August 29th, 2010
January 3rd of 2006, I said “Good Bye” to Philadelphia and flew to Bellevue, WA to join Margaret and Alan to become Margaret’s personal assistant. I stayed in their house downstairs in the most beautiful and quiet environment. A new life and new beginning began and my life opened a brand new page. I was full of hope and joy for the change and for finally I was able to go towards my true destiny and to work with Spirit closely. After all these struggles in 2005, I felt that I was the luckiest person in the world and that I was so blessed and grateful.
Everything was great and everyday had something new for me to learn in the area of metaphysics. I have enjoyed being with Margaret and Alan as I learned a lot of things on the spiritual level from them on the daily base. I also moved into another level of my spiritual development. Since I found the true purpose of my life, I have been longing for full time working for Spirit. Here my wish has come true. This was a completely different arena from what I was used to for the past 51 years of my life. The dominant logic part of me had to let go and I had to learn to listen to my intuition, not to be too rigid which I used to be and too structured. Old habit died hard. I had so much difficult to change it as this was where my Self had been holding onto. At one time, Margaret told me that Spirit was to shut down my left brain in order for me to learn to listen and develop my intuition which is belonging to the right brain. Because of all the new life and new learning, the pressure I had on the lawsuit was greatly reduced. Therefore, I thought that I should no longer have to deal with it anymore. What an escaper! It turned out that I was totally wrong about it. It was again, that my Self wanted to run away from the lessons and challenge my soul has chosen to go through.
continued…
Tags: change, destiny, environment, intuition, lawsuit, left brain, lesson, life, Margaret, purpose, self, soul, spirit
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Saturday, August 28th, 2010
I was surprised to hear the Master’s words that I owed Margaret karma as I remembered a year ago I felt something between me and Margaret, and I asked Master by directly chatting with him if I had karma with Margaret and he told me I did not have. But here he told me I just paid my debt to her which I even did not know where the Karma came from. When Margaret came out of the trance state, she explained to me that I was her and Alan’s mother in law in a life around 15th century. The other lady who was with us that time was my daughter and Alan’s wife. I was sent to kitchen to spy Margaret who was taken to Alan’s second wife at age of 16 in that life. I listened to my daughter and treated Margaret badly in that life. So by helping her packing, moving and unpacking this time, I paid my karma to her.I was so glad that I followed my intuition and did what I should do for assisting their moving.
I flew back Philadelphia two days later after Margaret and Alan moved to Bellevue. Before I left, I loaned $40,000 from the house I sold to Alan for us to be on Body, Mind and Spirit expo trip. This was decided before I knew I had Karma with them. So it had nothing to do with Karma but just I felt I should do so to support the work we were going to do. I was busy to arrange putting my furniture into the storage, sending a note to my landlord, informing my lawyer about my moving and having someone to help my daughter while she was out of school holidays since I will be 6 hours flight distance away. I went my daughter’s college to pick her back home for her winter break and talked her about the change. It was hard for her but it was also a time for me to move on. I did everything in 20 days during the Christmas time. I could not imagine how to accomplish so much in the holiday time before but I did it so smoothly and I knew I had help from Spirit which I was very grateful.
continued…
Tags: body, century, change, daughter, holiday, home, karma, lawsuit, life, mind, spirit, wife
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Monday, August 16th, 2010
I never thought that I was going to have a lawsuit in my life. I used to be very cautious not to break any laws in order to avoid any trouble in my life after experiencing my father’s arrest event in the Chinese Cultural Revolution. I had carried deep fear over authorities due to my horrible experiences with authority in many incarnations. I tried to stay away from any trouble with government, authority, police and law, etc.
Unfortunately, the Universe knows me much better than I know myself. What I had feared with, the Universe brought to me to face it. It sounds very scary, and going through the process was not easy either, but as I faced my fear, I have learned so much from it and become a better soul.
It was in September of 2005, I just went through a big change in my life. In March that year, I broke up a relationship with my boss. Even though we only had a few months relationship, it was a very intense and emotional charged relationship. In a short period, all the past life energies started to come to the surface, I was emotionally charged by these energies but was not aware of it. I was very angry, sad, depressed and felt as if I was trapped into a hopeless trap. I finally was able to break this relationship and felt free. But 10 days later after the termination of the relationship, I got first warning letter from my big boss ( higher position than the one I had relationship with) for my poor job performance. I knew what the true cause was of this letter but I was so afraid of speaking out the truth. I was afraid of what other people were going to thinking about me if I exposed my sexual relationship with my boss; I was so afraid of being laughed, judged and ridiculed. So I did not say anything but kept it quietly.
continued…
Tags: change, Chinese Cultural Revolution, event, father, fear, job, law, lawsuit, life, performance, Relationship, soul, universe
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Monday, August 9th, 2010
Step by step, I gradually learned what I should value the most. I have learned to make choice from my heart but not from the external criteria. Finally I have reached this level to clear what has buried in my soul. By going through this process, I have been going through the soul purging, I have to heal my deepest wound and to learn to establish my own inner authority. I have to learn to be truthful to my heart, to stand up for myself, to speak my truth quietly and clearly with love, to do service with a pure heart, without the desire for recognition and reward.
This is a long journey of learning and growing experiences. The process is not easy one. Many nights I could not sleep. Many nights I was woken by pain in my body as the deep buried emotions coming to the surface through my physical body. Many moment I had to face my own darkest part, no matter whether I was scared or not. I can not count how many times I just wanted to run away and nobody could find me. Many times I was so scared by what has been brought out from my deep within and rather not to face it. Many times I had to struggle with my Self to face the deep pain, sadness, depression, anger and hatred. It is too many to be counted.
Thanks to the masters and Spirit for their unconditional love, for not giving me up and for never stop loving me. I slowly moved on with the struggle in each step of my development. At end, I no longer desire for any recognition or power or social status, but just want to serve with an open heart.
I have changed so much in this process, even though for most time in my experiences the change is painful and not easy as I faced the painful past life memories, fought my Self and ego. I gradually have learned to leave the past behind so that I can truly move forward. But one thing I know for sure that I have changed to be a much better soul who has gained so much understanding and the peace with that understanding. As I continue evolving, I am sure my lessons are also unfolding. The learning is also evolving. The growth will also never stop.
Tags: change, ego, experiences, growth, lessons, levels, Life lessons, past life memories, self, soul
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Saturday, August 7th, 2010
This happened 15 years ago. Although I was not spiritual at that time, and I did not know that I was body, mind and spirit, that I was a soul on a journey, and that I had a life plane to fulfill. I did not know any of these. All I knew was that I was not happy and I was not me. I did not want to hold onto the position, social status and title. I wanted to find happiness for my heart. So, when the opportunity was presented to me, I chose to take it.
I did this with huge struggle. On the one side I had everything that many people wanted to have, but I did not have the happiness and freedom I wanted; On the other side, I was nobody in the strange foreign country and I did not have things I used to have, but I had freedom and opportunities to find my own happiness. I chose to have freedom and to find my own happiness with enormous fear of not knowing the future. This was the first step of my lesson that needed to be learned. Even though I consciously did not know at that time, my soul knew and my heart knew. By being truthful to my heart, I made a choice to follow my heart and to leave all the material values behind. Because of this choice, I was able to move on to next level of learning this value lesson.
After 7 years in the United States, I finally built my life here. I was stable and comfortable. I had a very high pay and stable job, I bought house and had a very good living standard compare to most Americans. As everything became stabilized and routine, I became boring and did not know what to do with my life. Life taught me the lesson again, what are the most valuable values in my life: face value and material value or value in my heart? Life again showed me that the material value could not make me happy. But I did not know how to make change to make me happy!
to be contiued…
Tags: change, happy, heart, house, job, levels, life, Life lessons, material value, routine, standard, value
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010
If one needs to know one’s karma, lessons, healing and transformation, one should pay more attention to planets Saturn, Chiron, Pluto and North Node. Saturn is called the planet of the Lord of Karma; the teacher and task master. Where Saturn is in our natal chart, is where we will face our greatest fear, experience the most challenge and delay. It teaches us facing fear, having faith and trust in ourselves and in spirit, learning to have patience, discipline and perseverance. If we have learned our lessons, we will get reward from Saturn in the late stage of our life. However, if we have not learned the lessons, Saturn will find ways to teach us in the hard way. The Saturn return is the time where we can evaluate what we have learned and how much we have learned. (The first Saturn return is around age of 20 – 30. The second Saturn return is around age of 58 – 60).
Pluto is a planet of transformation. Where the Pluto is located in our natal chart, is where we are going to go through the radical change and transformation in that area of our life. In that area of our life, we are going to go through letting the old die and the new be born. We can not hold onto anything that is no longer serve our soul purpose. If we do, the universe will find way to force us to change, sometimes, may bring us to our knees. The change which the Pluto brings into our life is not necessary an easy one, but if we go with the change, we will inevitably transformed to the soul we are destined to be and we will be changed for the betterment of our soul.
Chiron is considered as an asteroid, but it is far more powerful than it seems to be. Chiron is the wounded healer. Where Chiron is located in our natal chart, is where we will face our deepest wound, the wound we have carried for many incarnations, the wound we needs to be healed on a very deep level. If we can heal this deep wound within us, then we can claim our own healing power and help others who may have the same wound as we have to be healed. In this way, we will be at our best service to others because we have been there and done that, so when we serve, we serve with deep understanding and compassion. This is the highest form of our service to others.
to be continued…
Tags: change, Chiron, discipline, faith, fear, karma, Life lessons, natal chart, north node, patience, perseverance, Pluto, Saturn, transformation, trust
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Saturday, July 24th, 2010
First of all, I stopped judging or feeling bad about this person and the related work. Secondly, I decided not to take this matter personally but see it move objectively. Then, I asked myself: How could I help? I decided that instead of blaming or criticizing this person, understanding their situation, having sympathy and compassion to them. Therefore, I approached this person and offered my help in a very sincere way. surprised me that this person was far more pleased by my offering to help.
From this event, I have learned that I can make difference and create the positive reality by changing my habit, pattern, belief and conditioning. Anything and anyone in the outside world is only a reflection of my inner world. I can not judge, criticize and blame anyone for what I don’t like. They are only the mirrors for what I need to see and to deal with within me. I am the only one who is responsible for me, my life and my situation. The key to improve my relationships with others is to work on my self from within. Before I judge and criticize, I need to see the good, light and beauty in others. By doing this alone, it will help me be at peace with myself. If I can be at peace with myself, I will have peace with others, with the situation, with the environment.
This awareness is a revolution for me. This is going to change my old habit, belief, conditioning and pattern from my very being which I have carried for so many incarnations. Only by doing so, working on each aspect of me step by step, little by little, can I truly evolve to the soul who I truly am. I know that this will be an on-going process and will not be an easy one either. But with my good intention, patience, discipline, determination and perseverance, I can make the change. I am the only one to be responsible for my life. If I do not do it, nobody will do it for me.
Tags: aspect, belief, change, conditioning, good, habit, incarnation, life, light, patience, pattern, soul
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Friday, July 23rd, 2010
First thing I realize what I need to change is to stop judging and criticizing anyone and anything. Instead of thinking about people or things in a judgmental and critical manner, I need to see the light, good and beauty in everyone I encounter and everything I deal with. Everyone has a heart, a beautiful heart. If I can see this beauty and trust it, I will be able to feel it and be touched by it. This is the first thing for me to do. If I can truly do so, I can be truly kind, soft and gentle.
A few days ago, I thought about something that we should do a few weeks before. But the person who was in charge did not do it because of the very busy schedule. While I was driving, I thought about it, my first response to my thought was blaming and anger because I automatically ran into my old habit and pattern: judgmental and critical. I thought about how they should do but they did not do, how this person never listened to me and never allowed me to help, bla, bla, bla… This triggered me so much anger and hatred. It was very intense so that it shocked me as I did not know where it came from. I vented my anger and hatred, and made conscious choice that I determined not to let the anger and hatred to control over my emotions anymore. Once the anger was vented, I was able to be calm and to look at this situation from within. What should I learn or do in this situation?
While I was thinking, I realized that I used to allow my emotions to take over in the past whenever I thought about things or situations related to this person. I always put myself in a victim position and always blamed this person. But I never thought if I could consider things or situations from this person’s situation, I might have better understanding. As I realized this, I was aware that I have created the uneasy relationship or uneasy cooperative situation because of my judgmental and critical attitude, and because of my conditioning and belief. As I was aware of this pattern, I decided to change it.
To be continued…
Tags: attitude, belief, change, conditioning, critical, emotions, good, judgmental, light, Relationship, situation, victim
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Friday, July 2nd, 2010
I am very fortunate because I know what is going on in my life and what has happened to me, so that I just cope with whatever comes out of me. I understand that all these deep buried energies from many of my past incarnations have to come out of my subconscious memory to the surface so that they can be released and cleared. Once they come to the surface, they will no longer have power controlling over me from my subconscious. I will eventually get better and better. One day, when they all are released, there will be nothing in my subconscious, by then, only then, can I truly live a free, joyful and happy life.
As Maitreya said in his newsletter of “DEPRESSION” (Maitreya Newsletter #292):
“What is depression? It is the body’s way of dealing with change, buried emotion, and stress. It is quite normal to be depressed, and when one is depressed one should try to ride it through. The human body is used to having one way of doing things. When change comes, it can create a huge turmoil in the physical body. The same is true with buried emotions. The body has to cope as the emotion comes to the surface. Often there is a need to cry, but this is suppressed because it is not “normal.” The body has periods of time when it is overloaded with stress, but the person feels they are invincible and just keeps pushing themselves. Then one day they have to stop, and the body goes into complete and utter chaos. This also can cause depression because the old way is not being followed. You are in a state of change, but the body does not know how to cope.
When depression comes into your life do not fear it. It is there to make you look at your life and the way you are. Ask Spirit to help you find the answers. If you ask you will find them. Allow whatever is in there to come out, whether emotion (anger, frustration, fear etc.), stress, or just release. Do not fear it, for it is meant to help you cleanse away something that is no longer needed. If drugs are used to help the depression, then also seek the help of someone who can help you find the cause. You can find natural sources to help you also. It is nature’s way of cleansing. Remember that. Maitreya.”
to be continued…
Tags: change, cleansing, depression, energy center, fear, life, Maitreya, memory, release, spirit
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Thursday, July 1st, 2010
The spiritual development is meant to be happy and joyful in one’s life. However, when we have so much trapped emotions within our subconscious memories, we can not be happy and joyful no matter how “good” our life could be. It is these deep buried trapped emotions within us that are the cause of our unhappiness. One of the major causes of our unhappiness is “DEPRESSION”.
What is Depression? Depression is the body’s way of dealing with change, buried emotion, and stress. Where does depression come from? How is it created? “Depression can arise from deep disappointment, betrayal, loss of a loved one, failure, anger turned inwards, an accident, major trauma or physiological condition. Depression can make you feel helpless, lost, confused, fatigued and melancholy. You may feel that life has lost its meaning and has become dull, colorless and pointless. You may experience being trapped in the darkness of your mind and find it difficult to see a way out….. On the physical level, depression can lead to problems with gall bladder, lungs, prostate, back pain, alcoholism, compulsive eating, gallstones, scoliosis, blood problems, chest problems, joint stiffness, abscess, Alzheimer’s Disease, amnesia and many other ailments.” (Inna Segal, The Secret Language of Your Body).
Since I began my spiritual path seven years ago, I have been constantly in the process of release these deep buried emotions from within me. When these emotions came to the surface, they cause all sorts of reaction out of me. One of the major reactions I have had is depression. I have been in depression many times. When I was in that state of emotions, I just went down and down and down to the darkness as if there was no way to see the light and all I could see was that I was lost, isolated, lonely and hopelessness. I have lost any interest in life, I did not have any motivation to do any thing, I did not want to see anyone or talk to anyone but wanted to run away to a remote area where no one knows me or no one can reach me. I just wanted to kill myself as I saw myself as a stupid, unworthy, useless and unlovable person.
No matter how wonderful the outside world is, no matter how blessed I was, I simply just could not see that and just want to kill myself. For me this is an ongoing dealing. I have to live one day at a time. Some days I was simply into the depression and could not do anything, all I did was to cry and to sleep; other days I felt that I could not be like this so that I started say some affirmation to change the energy.
To be continued…
Tags: affirmation, body, buried emotion, change, darkness, depression, emotion, Energy, life, light, reaction, spiritual development, stress, unworth
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
