Archive for the ‘My Blog’ Category
Saturday, September 4th, 2010
As I was sitting in my lawyer’s car and recalling the whole thing, I felt that I was so stupid in the whole thing. I hated myself to get involved in this relationship. I hated myself not to listen to spirit’s message. I hated myself not smart enough to collect all evidence. I hated myself to be so naïve to consider him as a decent and noble man. All the anger and hatred I had inside me towards him were starting coming to the surface. What I did not realize was that the lesson I really needed to learn with him was not to have fear to speak my truth quietly and clearly.
I did not do so from the day one I had relationship with him. I did not tell him how unhappy I was in this relationship. I did not tell him that what I wanted in this relationship. I did not tell him my truth quietly and clearly with love. All I did was allowed my fear taking over. I was afraid of telling the truth so he would be angry with me. I was afraid of exposing our relationship because I was afraid of what people would think about me. I was afraid of telling other people about our relationship as I was afraid of causing damage on his reputation and his career so that people would condemn me. Fear, fear, fear!!!!
It was my fear that finally dragged me into this lawsuit. This is the universal way, if I did not learn what I supposed to learn, Universe would find another way to enable me to learn my lesson, of course, a much harder way. Now I had to go to the deposition to speak my truth in a more embarrassing way. I could not blame anyone but myself. I just felt myself so unbelievably stupid. I wished that I could do better but it was too late to go back.
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Tags: anger, career, fear, lawsuit, lesson, message, Relationship, spirit
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Friday, September 3rd, 2010
He asked me to be prepared for marriage as he thought that this relationship led to marriage. He became very dominate as if he was still my boss even in our personal relationship. I soon realized that I was not happy in this relationship at all levels.
For me, because of my lack of believing in myself in doing spiritual work, I wanted badly to have a spiritual partner who could help me do the work together. When I had the relationship with him, I thought that he would support me to do the spiritual work and even to do it together with me. Unfortunately, he was no longer interested in what I was interested in spiritual matters. He even told me that it was perfect if I no longer worked in the same office. I was very unhappy about what I was aware. But I was so afraid of telling him that this relationship would not go anywhere as I did not want to damage our friendship which could cause me to lose my job, and I needed this job for security as it gave me full benefit including my daughter’s college tuition.
I tried to get along with him and to cope the relationship, as our relationship went on, other past life energies began to come to the surface, I was very unhappy, angry and depressed. Many times I cried on the way back home from his apartment and prayed to God to give me strength and to love him more. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I had tried, I just simply was not able to achieve what I had wished. Until the day I had private study with Margaret/Maitreya and then I was told that I was not meant to be with him. I felt so free and so happy as if a big burden was removed from my shoulder….
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Tags: lawsuit, Maitreya, Margaret, past life energies, Relationship, strength
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Thursday, September 2nd, 2010
In the deep hypnotic state, I saw I killed myself with a sharp knife. I saw the knife penetrated my heart and I died from it. As soon as I saw this, the pain in my heart was even more intensified. I could not help crying deeply in the middle night. I killed myself because my lover did not want me anymore and went back to his wife. I was heart broken but could not let go of him. So the only way I could free myself from the heart broken was to kill myself. The last image I saw was that my ex-boss stood in front of my grave sadly.
I was shocked by what I found out during this regression. I could not believe what I saw was true. Therefore, I wrote to Maitreya about this past life and he confirmed it. Then I went to our office and found my ex-boss there, I told him about it and he said to me that he fell in love with me the first day he met me. It was almost 8 years ago!
The past life energy lit up our passion and we had sex. This was the beginning of our relationship. This enabled me to clear so much deep buried emotional energy I created from this past life situation. I even had period after it stopped two years ago. The pain in my heart and chest area was magically disappeared short after I had the relationship with my ex-boss.
For him, he thought that he found a perfect partner so that he went crazy. He could stop on the free way to call me to ask me to stop while I was also driving on the free way. However, it was different for m though. After I released this past life energy, I no longer felt attraction to him as it was not meant to be. I was meant to let go of him in this life and not to hold on to him anymore. Therefore, as the past life energy was released, I was ready to move on.
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Tags: heart, heart broken, lawsuit, Maitreya, partner, past life energy, regression, Relationship
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Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
As we shared more, my ex-boss began to invited my daughter and I out for dinner, even so, I still kept everything at friendship level. Then one day, he called me to his office to tell me that he wanted to tell me something in private. His face was very serious, so I agreed him to go to my home to talk. That evening he told me that he and his wife had been separated for over a year and they were in the divorce process. I was surprised by what he told me as I never expected him to tell me his privacy. I thanked him for telling me this and promised him not to tell anyone as he asked me to do so. Even at this stage, I was still not getting myself involved with him.
However, in the earlier of August 2004, my chest area around my heart was getting pain. The pain was getting worse and worse till one day, I was hardly able to breath. I wrote to Margaret about this and did not know what to do about it as I never had such health problem before. Margaret wrote back to me and suggested me to have an emergency check as she was afraid of me having a heart attack. However, she also said to me that it could be a past life energy coming to the surface. She sent healing energy to me and it helped me greatly.
I read some information about heart attack and felt that my symptoms were not like heart attack, so I was more convinced myself that it might be a past life situation. But what it was? I had no idea. That evening, the pain became much sharper. Because of that, I could not laid down on the bed as it would worsen the pain badly. The only gesture I could take was to sit straightly without anything touching my back around heart area. However, I could not sit in that gesture for more than 10 minutes. Finally, in the middle night the pain was so intensified that I had to do a self past life regression to get into the cause of the pain.
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Tags: health problem, heart attack, lawsuit, Margaret, pain, past life, past life energy
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Tuesday, August 31st, 2010
Meanwhile, my Self was really having a Self day, it kept dragging me down. It stayed in my mind and kept telling me that the lawyers of my ex boss would never believed in me, they would think that I was a liar and failure who wanted to dig the gold from this lawsuit. They would think that I had the sexual relationship with my ex-boss because I seduced him in order to keep my job. Bla, bla, bla…. The more my Self talked to me that way, the more depressed and discouraged I was. On the way to Philadelphia, while my lawyer was driving, my Self had me reviewing the whole thing I had with my ex-boss.
Having an intimate relationship with my own boss really broke my own rule I had set up for myself. I did not want to have any close relationship in my working place as I did not want to lose my job. I have worked so hard to keep good performance since I came to the US as I knew how important to have a job to survival as a foreigner in this country. I was very cautious and never had any problems with all my former bosses wherever I worked for not until 2004.
Before 2004 I have had a good employer- employee relationship with my ex-boss, everything was business and I should say that I handled it very well. If not so, they would not match my pharmaceutical salary to bring me back to work for them.
Since I began to search for my life purpose, I took more spiritual and metaphysical courses with Margaret/Maitreya in Australia. My ex-boss showed great interest in what I was doing. He became my first student and wanted to know more about what I had learned from these courses. I was also very enthusiastic to share with him about what I have learned as I was also in a state of wow for what I have found for my life.
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Tags: business, failure, job, lawsuit, problems, Relationship, salary, self, sexual relationship
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Monday, August 30th, 2010
As I have not heard anything from my lawyer for over a year, I thought that I might not need to go through the lawsuit anymore. I have been very busy to deal with the life and lessons I have to learn in Seattle, however, Spirit did not forget what I needed to learn, they had patience and knew what they were doing (LOL). Sixteen months later after I had moved to Bellevue, WA, I got a phone call from my lawyer in early April of 2007, he told me that I needed to fly to Philadelphia to attend my deposition. He explained the procedure and what it could be.
At the end of April, I flew back Philadelphia to attend the deposition. It was held in Philadelphia a law place. Before we went there, my lawyer explained what questions the lawyers who represented my ex-bosses would ask. Since I was suing my ex-boss as quite pro quo, and my ex-boss denied our sexual relationship, I had to go through the deposition to allow their lawyers to question me about our intimate relationship.
My lawyer made sure I knew that I could be asked for all possible nasty questions that their lawyers could ask. He warned me that this deposition could be very tough but I had to answer all questions as much as possible. In other words, all things regarding to my intimate relationship, including the sexual activities with my ex-boss were be exposed to all people who were attending the deposition and I had to face all embarrassment no matter how I felt about it.
On the other hand, I was very fortunate to have a very understanding lawyer, he met me at his office that morning of my deposition and went through all the possible happenings during the deposition and prepared me for the embarrassing questions. The most importance is that he truly believed in me and encouraged me to stand up for myself and to speak my truth no matter how hard and how embarrassing I may face. His understanding and supporting was very meant something to me.
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Tags: deposition, intimate relationship, lawsuit, lessons, sexual relationship, spirit
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Sunday, August 29th, 2010
January 3rd of 2006, I said “Good Bye” to Philadelphia and flew to Bellevue, WA to join Margaret and Alan to become Margaret’s personal assistant. I stayed in their house downstairs in the most beautiful and quiet environment. A new life and new beginning began and my life opened a brand new page. I was full of hope and joy for the change and for finally I was able to go towards my true destiny and to work with Spirit closely. After all these struggles in 2005, I felt that I was the luckiest person in the world and that I was so blessed and grateful.
Everything was great and everyday had something new for me to learn in the area of metaphysics. I have enjoyed being with Margaret and Alan as I learned a lot of things on the spiritual level from them on the daily base. I also moved into another level of my spiritual development. Since I found the true purpose of my life, I have been longing for full time working for Spirit. Here my wish has come true. This was a completely different arena from what I was used to for the past 51 years of my life. The dominant logic part of me had to let go and I had to learn to listen to my intuition, not to be too rigid which I used to be and too structured. Old habit died hard. I had so much difficult to change it as this was where my Self had been holding onto. At one time, Margaret told me that Spirit was to shut down my left brain in order for me to learn to listen and develop my intuition which is belonging to the right brain. Because of all the new life and new learning, the pressure I had on the lawsuit was greatly reduced. Therefore, I thought that I should no longer have to deal with it anymore. What an escaper! It turned out that I was totally wrong about it. It was again, that my Self wanted to run away from the lessons and challenge my soul has chosen to go through.
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Tags: change, destiny, environment, intuition, lawsuit, left brain, lesson, life, Margaret, purpose, self, soul, spirit
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Saturday, August 28th, 2010
I was surprised to hear the Master’s words that I owed Margaret karma as I remembered a year ago I felt something between me and Margaret, and I asked Master by directly chatting with him if I had karma with Margaret and he told me I did not have. But here he told me I just paid my debt to her which I even did not know where the Karma came from. When Margaret came out of the trance state, she explained to me that I was her and Alan’s mother in law in a life around 15th century. The other lady who was with us that time was my daughter and Alan’s wife. I was sent to kitchen to spy Margaret who was taken to Alan’s second wife at age of 16 in that life. I listened to my daughter and treated Margaret badly in that life. So by helping her packing, moving and unpacking this time, I paid my karma to her.I was so glad that I followed my intuition and did what I should do for assisting their moving.
I flew back Philadelphia two days later after Margaret and Alan moved to Bellevue. Before I left, I loaned $40,000 from the house I sold to Alan for us to be on Body, Mind and Spirit expo trip. This was decided before I knew I had Karma with them. So it had nothing to do with Karma but just I felt I should do so to support the work we were going to do. I was busy to arrange putting my furniture into the storage, sending a note to my landlord, informing my lawyer about my moving and having someone to help my daughter while she was out of school holidays since I will be 6 hours flight distance away. I went my daughter’s college to pick her back home for her winter break and talked her about the change. It was hard for her but it was also a time for me to move on. I did everything in 20 days during the Christmas time. I could not imagine how to accomplish so much in the holiday time before but I did it so smoothly and I knew I had help from Spirit which I was very grateful.
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Tags: body, century, change, daughter, holiday, home, karma, lawsuit, life, mind, spirit, wife
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Friday, August 27th, 2010
However, I can now see that it does not have to be such difficult as I thought it was if I did not have fears: worrying about money and survival, poverty consciousness and lack of self confident. Because of these fears I made the five months waiting period much harder and more difficult than it should be.
In December of 2005 I flew to Tacoma to meet Alan and Margaret again to get our January tour ready. This time Margaret and Alan were also going through big change in their life, I felt that they need a personal assistant. It was just an idea. However, it surprised me that a few days later, Margaret talked to me that they needed me to be their personal assistant. They told me that this was a temporary job and they were not able to pay me salary but I could come to live with them. I did not care if they would pay me salary. I was just simply so happy to hear this as if I was waiting for this day for so long and I was finally free from my situation in Philadelphia and was able to work with Spirit closely. They wanted me to be with them as soon as possible which left me only three weeks to put all things together and to move from Philadelphia to Bellevue. This was unexpected but it was what I have longed for in my soul. During my visiting this time I also heard that they were moving from Tacoma apartment to Bellevue house they just bought. When I heard this, I strongly felt that I needed to extend my staying so I could help them move. So on December 10 2005, we moved from Tacoma to Bellevue. The following day after Alan and I unpacked everything Margaret said to us that the Master wanted to talk to us. Master gave us the deep gratitude from Spirit and told me that I paid my karma to Margaret by deciding extending stay and working hard to help Margaret and Alan move.
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Tags: apartment, Bellevue, consciousness, difficult, karma, lawsuit, life, Margaret, poverty, soul, spirit, survival
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Thursday, August 26th, 2010
Not too long after I bought the plane tickets, I got an email from Alan that he wanted to do a Body-Mind-Spirit show tour and he wanted me to join them. I was so excited about it as for so long I was waiting and struggling for my future direction, I finally heard some good news and it gave me hope. I flew to Tacoma, WA in November to prepare our tour with Alan’s team, it was four of us including Margaret.
This meeting changed my plan so that I had to postpone opening a school at Philadelphia area. When I flew back to Philadelphia, I told my friend about this change. She was not happy about it as she thought she had invested so much her time with me. In order to compensate her, I gave her the flight ticket I bought for her so she could use it for her any trip she’d like to.
Finally, for the first time in that year I saw the light and hope. When I looked back to that time today, I realized that it was my spiritual testing time, letting go of my fear, standing up for my own truth and belief, moving out of my comfort zone, and moving forward to my true destiny. I was proud of myself that I did go through this period and came out as a better and stronger spiritual soul.
I used to think that the year of 2005 was the most difficult year I had experienced in my life as I had broken a fatal relationship, moved away from the church I had devoted my services for quite a few years, left all my old friends, sold my house and quit my job. I basically was totally alone. I had to stand up on my own two foot on the ground and depend on no one to struggle through the radical change and transformation.
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Tags: Church, experience, ground, job, lawsuit, radical change, Relationship, service, spiritual soul, stand up, transformation
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